What to tell yourself to keep going

"This is what I'm doing right now."

Running is hard.

I don’t know that I love it quite yet or that I ever will.

But I do enjoy how I feel after I do it, and, I admit, once in a while, I don’t mind it in the moment, too.

On the days I find it harder to push through, maybe it’s more of an endurance-focused day rather than a speed one, a thought comes to mind that brings me forward: 

“This is what I’m doing right now.”

Obvious, yes. But I need the reminder sometimes.

I remind myself, I am running right now, so I’m just going to keep running. This is what I’m doing. It might be difficult, and I might not love it, but this is what I’m doing. I chose to be here. I woke up, tiredly went through my fast morning routine, made easier thanks to getting most things ready the night before, got in my car and drove to the gym, put on my shoes, did the warm-up, and now I’m here. I’m running. This is what I’m doing right now. So I’m going to do it.

It helps me focus my thoughts. There’s no point in trying to solve that other problem on my mind because it’s not here in the room with me right now — the treadmill is. It reminds me that this feeling of “can I keep doing this?” is happening now, not later. Later, these feelings won’t be here. So just do this thing, now. 

This doesn’t apply to all things in life. I’m not recommending you push through things simply because that’s what’s happening right now. (I absolutely don’t recommend that, actually.) But for those things that we’re choosing to do, it can be helpful to have this mindset. 

And like most things in my life lately, I’ve been able to apply this thinking outside the gym, too. 

I work as a freelance writer and editor, and while I love my job, I don’t always want to do it. And sometimes when I don’t want to work on something, I wait until I want to — that’s the beauty of working for yourself. 

But on those deadline days, when I have to get that article done, I remind myself, I chose to have this job. I chose to work with this client. I chose to make money to support myself in this way. And so, this is what I’m doing right now. I’m going to sit at this coffeeshop and write this article, even if there are more exciting or easier things I could be working on, because this — writing this article with a deadline — is what I’m doing right now. 

On my third outdoor run of the year, which took place May 1 — I’m not much of Manitoba winter outdoor enthusiast, I suppose, and only recently a self-proclaimed avid runner — I was listening to the podcast Voices in the River, episode “Embracing the Mystery.” (Running to podcasts was something I got hooked on during the pandemic — I’d listen to audio dramas that completely removed me from the unpredictable, masked world I was living in and placed me in an unpredictable, un-masked world I could observe.) 

As I was going along the road, I got tired. I walked once in a while, but at one point, I picked a landmark up ahead to make it to with no stopping, no walking. 

“This is what I’m doing right now.” 

I said the line to myself a couple times and then was flooded with this feeling of pride. I said out loud, “I am so full of life.” And then I teared up a bit. (This is something I didn’t expect as I go about my fitness journey — the waves of emotion that come over me.) And the next thing I knew, I made it to my landmark. I achieved my goal. 

In the episode of Voices in the River I was listening to, host Rebecca Auman, a witch and tarot reader, talks with writer Elizabeth Greenwood about intuition, a topic Elizabeth is writing a book on.

When I listen to podcasts while running, I don’t catch every word, but I like the option of tuning in to something other than my huffing and puffing or racing thoughts when I’m feeling tired or distracted. I heard a few lines that stood out to me in this episode that seemed to relate to my “this is what I’m doing” line of the day.

“This is happening, and it’s not going to un-happen until it’s over,” Elizabeth says. 

This is what I’m doing right now, I say as I take another step.

She goes on:

“Whatever happens, I can handle it. And I can open any door, and I can look at what’s inside, and I don’t have to like it, but I can look at it. Following that trickster into those corridors and through those hallways and closets and basements has really built my confidence in a way to say that I don’t have to like it but I don’t have to be afraid.”

I don’t have to like running, but this is what I am choosing to do right now, so I’m going to do it. 

I jotted down a couple of those lines after my run and just relistened to it now for more context, because as mentioned, I tune in and out of the words coming at me while running. 

Turns out, Elizabeth was talking about her experience with psychedelic drugs, relating some of the “this is happening now and will be over when it’s over” feelings to childbirth.

So it wasn’t exactly along the same lines as how I was looking at it, but I’m going to still make the connection anyway.

Which is fitting, because at the start of the episode, Rebecca does a reading and pulls an oracle card, this time featuring a coyote.

“The lessons offered by Coyote may at first appear confusing but are most sacred and always for your highest good.” 

So I’ll take this as proof I was meant to relate what I heard to my running experience. 

This same run, my third outdoor run of the year, two runs after I decided to make being a runner my identity, is when the idea for this new writing project came to me, to share excerpts from my “running diary,” to expand on the thoughts and ideas and lessons that have been coming to me as I go about my wellness era. 

Finding the parallels between Rebecca and Elizabeth’s conversation and the conversation with myself as I ran felt like confirmation I should pursue this project.

More confirmation came when I went onto Instagram that evening and saw a post by Cory Muscara, former monk, host of the Practicing Human podcast, and author of the book Stop Missing Your Life. In the post, he shared a Zen proverb: 

“When walking, just walk. When running, just run. Above all, don't wobble. When we’re at work, we feel like we should be on vacation. When we’re on vacation, we feel guilty that we’re not working. Being mindful is less about doing what you’re doing slowly and more about doing what you’re doing fully. Today, see if you can give yourself permission to honour the energy of the moment and be there 100%.”

Okay, yes, what I’m advocating for is really just mindfulness, something I’ve tried to integrate into my life for years. But for whatever reason, it didn’t really sink in until I sweat it out.